Lord, Break this Heart?

Not too long ago in a post entitled "Amputees," I expressed a belief that may have struck some as rather depressing. I said,

Someone else will say, "GOD can heal." Yes, He can. I believe this with my whole being. But not in the way that you may think. I believe He can, but I also believe that in this life, He does not. At least not completely.

I think it's time I expand on that a bit. I believe absolutely that God is fully able to heal any hurt, any pain, any heartbreak--mine included. But I have become increasingly convinced that He often chooses not to, and that He does so for a reason. And while that sounds rather sad and perhaps cruel, I believe the opposite is true. Consider this: If I woke up tomorrow and no longer felt the slightest pain from the loss of Braeden, well that'd be good for me. But what about everyone else? How would that impact my response to the other families whose children are fighting cancer, the others whose children are already awaiting them in heaven? Sure, I could sympathize, but over time I would lose the ability to empathize. As time passed, certainly my passion for children with cancer and their families would diminish, perhaps disappear. Without the why, what would motivate me to fight, to reach out to other families, to care? If there was never any lasting hurt from our hearts breaking, would any of us care enough to try to change things for others? And even if we still made the effort, would we be effective? Somehow I doubt it.

Don't get me wrong, I don't like that. I wholeheartedly dislike the fact that part of my purpose here may well have come from such heartache. There is a part of me that wishes I could go back--back to being blissfully blind to this kind of hurt. On many days, the cost is just too high. But it's happened, and there are only two things I can do now. I can turn from it, ignore it, and retreat into my own little world, or I can turn to it, and do what I can to try to lessen that same suffering in the lives of others. To perhaps make things better for someone else. To make a difference.

It's been an ongoing theme I've noticed more and more lately. I've felt it in my own pain and grief. I seen it echoed in the lives of friends who have walked a similar journey, and in others who have experienced different, yet lasting, heartbreak. I've seen it as a recurrent idea in music I listen to: "Let Your kingdom come, Lord break this heart." (Lincoln Brewster) "Break my heart for what breaks Yours, everything I have for your kingdom's cause." (Selah) "Father break my heart for what breaks Yours.Give me open hands and open doors. Put Your light in my eyes and let me see that my own little world is not about me." (Matthew West). I've heard it from friends who have been profoundly and painfully impacted by something or someone in their lives. In the words of one friend, just returned from a missions trip, "My heart has been broken for the people there and I don't want it to heal."

That's a bold thing to contemplate, and even bolder one to speak aloud, to pray for. Don't misunderstand, I am not implying that God chooses to hurt us or that He takes pleasure in our suffering. Rather, we live in a fallen world--heartbreak, pain and suffering are inevitable. They find us all sooner or later. And while I would never pretend that there is always some grand "lesson" to learn from our pain or that I even come close to understanding or accepting the details, I have seen that great things can and do come out of utter heartbreak. So perhaps this is a piece of the puzzle. It doesn't answer the question {why?}-- nothing here in this life can or will. But often it does answer the question "why we do what we do" from here on out....
Because I believe in a God who cares, I believe that what hurts us has already hurt Him. I don't have the inclination or intelligence to go into the why He still allows it. Perhaps that's for another day...but I have come to understand this:

God wants our hearts to break for what has broken His. Because out of our brokenness...we act. In our heartbreak...we often find our why.