Power in Faith

Summer is speeding by like a runaway truck. We have gotten through another big anniversary, the one year anniversary of Braeden's relapse and all that entailed. Last August was a whirlwind of testing, scanning, a new central line, making a treatment plan, and starting chemo--all while getting ready to welcome baby Owen. It was still good though, our family was together, and Bub was doing so well you almost wouldn't know there was anything wrong. But in reality it really was the beginning of the end. Not even nine months later he was gone. The turn of events over that part of the last year, along with some timely discussions, has really had me thinking--and seeking....


Several times over that past year, I have heard the comment from a parent about their child, "S/he is proof of the power of prayer," or "the power of faith." Other parents we know have commented on hearing similar things. Don't get me wrong, I understand what they're saying. They're thankful, and they want to praise God for their child's health, positive test results, whatever. That's understandable, I did that too. I have found it's easier to trust and have faith when the answers to our prayers are the things we most desire. To an extent, that's okay. But I have begun to see along this road that it is the times when the answer is not what we want that our faith undergoes the most change. Something so basic as "heal my child," when it becomes clearer that the answers are "not now," "not here," "not in that way," it has a way of cutting through the surface level of faith and prayer. The result can be a radical change, if we let it. After all, when the response is not what we are looking for, it forces us to make a choice--turn from God, or turn to God in a new way. I found that for me, my faith is growing into more of a faith in the Maker of the plan, even when I don't understand the plan at all....or wonder (on some days)how there even could be a plan at all. And isn't that really what faith is, being certain of what we do not see? I hate this whole situation, hate the thought of living the rest of my life without one of my children, yet I know whom I have believed, and I trust that He will continue to work all this for good....somehow...for His glory. Don't get me wrong, there are still so many days when even THE promise doesn't feel like enough...I want more. I want him. But I am learning that it's okay to not understand the details. It's not weak or naive to trust what we don't see with what we don't understand, because there are so many things in this life that make no sense to us in human terms and are way beyond our feeble control. His ways are not our ways, and His thoughts are not our thoughts. They are so far beyond....and yet, I've been privileged to see a ripple in just the four months since He called Braeden home that encourages me that He is at work even now, even in this. So in the end Bub is where, through faith, God has made a place for him. How's that for power? Praying we will see all of you there with him someday...