Numbered Days

     As a parent, I think the worst thing I have ever had to hear is a "time frame"...in the context of my child's life expectancy. I can't imagine anything more agonizing.  To look at your child, your baby, just beginning their life (no matter how old they are, they still seem so young)....and hear someone put a limit on that life...anything short of having "your whole life ahead of you" is... well, a form of torture even Hitler never could have imagined. The day we had that "talk" with the attending doctors is burned into my heart as if the actual words were engraved there by a branding iron. It was almost a year ago, now--January 15, 2009. The time frame we were given was a few weeks. For what it's worth, when you're talking about your child it doesn't make much difference if they're talking days, weeks, or months--it's all far too short, nowhere near enough time. 
     Still, don't we all face the same thing? No matter what age we are, what condition we are in, our lives are finite. They have a beginning and eventually, an end. An end we're heading for from the minute we're born. And yet as David so eloquently affirms, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." (Psalm 139:16)  Before our time even began on this earth, God knew the number of our days. Not just a rough idea or a "time frame," He knew the exact number. He knew what Braeden's battle would be, and that He would bring our baby home to Him at three years, 11 months and 2 days old. As much as I sometimes believe I want to, I have no earthly idea why some of our lives are so short. All I know is this: God knows. God knows the number of our days, and whether they be few or many, they are for His glory, not ours. There are so many days I wish I could see eternity...see how this all pans out...see how God is glorified through what has hurt so much. I can't. Some blessed times I see tiny ripples from Braeden's life that give me an idea there there is something so much bigger at work here. But most days, it's much less evident. Yet another thing that is just a trust and follow....until that day. Until we see Him face to face, God counts our days....it's up to us to make them count.