Through the door...

     This past summer Kev and I attended the CNCF neuroblastoma conference again. During one of the "angel parent" sessions, a pastor who had lost his son to leukemia many years ago spoke with our group about what it's like to lose a child. He said that it's like being thrown through an open door, then finding the door slammed shut in your face. I have never heard a better analogy. It is exactly like that....the door is shut. You know that what you want and what you love are on the other side. You can see that light coming from the crack around the door. You know what's through that door, but there's no doorknob. No way to open the door. No way to get back through to the life you had before. We talked about how most of us will spend the better part of a year trying to claw our way back through the door.
     The ending of one year and the beginning of the new year feels a lot like that as well. Going through a doorway, closing the door on the last year that Braeden was with us. Maybe that's why the struggle with New Year's--it's the beginning of our first full year without him, a year for the first time won't contain memories or pictures of him with us. And too soon, we won't even be able to say "last year at this time" about him...It's a lot of change and along with that is a lot of sadness. As much as I struggled with Thanksgiving and Christmas, I struggle with the end of the year and the beginnng of the new even more.  For sure, 2010 will be a year of more transitions for us, and for many that we have met on this journey.
I am so thankful for the many who have prayed for us. Please continue to pray as we walk through another door...





Braeden in clinic, January 15, 2008.



Braeden in PICU, January, 2009.